I do science!

They said I was crazy...Crazy like a fox! Who's crazy now!

Getting in shape

It's been a tough week. I'm trying to get myself back into shape after a bit of a break. I put on a lot of weight as a result of a change in medications (35 lbs in about 4 weeks) and I've had a lot of trouble losing it. It's frustrating to not be where I was but I'm sticking with it. I managed to excercise 5 days last week. It killed me. I'm going to keep sticking with it. That's my montra. I'm sticking with it. I don't mind getting old but I refuse to be one of those people who gives up and stops taking care of my body. It's not so much vanity (although that is part) but mostly I would feel like a big loser if I quit. There are people who care about me and have stuck by me in good times and bad. I feel like letting my health go would be a betrayal of their faith and support in me. But damn am I sore and I'm going to hate myself at 7 am tomarrow.

Oh well. It will get better. I'm sticking with it.

Random thought of the day

When was the last time you were as happy as a 2 year old with a whoopy cushion?

Random thought of the day

Who we want to be

I was driving home today and got cut off by a jerk. That in itself is not remarkable. It happens every day. I don't even bother to curse anymore. What makes this stand out in my mind is the first thought I had on seeing this person.

"Wow. It's like this guy read the manual for posers."

He had the decade old asian sports car with a shiny paint job and a engine that needed work.

*cough cough* wish I could accelerate *wheeze*

He had the backwards hat. He had loud music which he tried (unsuccessfully) to bob to. I could even smell the cheap cologne driving behind him (not an exageration). His friend in the passenger seat had the bleached blond spiked hair and both were dressed in exactly the clothing the tv told them they should buy so that they could be individuals... just like all their friends. Alright so I'm assumining it was trendy. I wouldn't know trendy if it kicked my ass in a parking lot but still...

The worst part of it all was that both were trying hard to look cool, see if anyone was noticing how cool they were, and yet wanting to appear indifferent because not caring is cool.

I could understand this more if they had been teenagers but both had to be pushing 30 at least. They obviously wanted the world to see them as something particular. Something they really wanted to be. It made me wonder.

I think we all do this to a certain extent. We all have an image in our minds of how we want the world to see us. I don't see anything wrong with this. I know I work rather hard to appear as certain things in my personal life and I work even more to do so in my proffesional life. But some people try to force it. There were times in my life where I did. I wanted to be something I wasn't and never will be. I wanted to convince myself and others that I was that kind of person.

I've been accused of arrogance many times over the years. There is a shred of truth in that but arrogance is thinking you are better than others and I'm just not that concerned with most people. I simply have faith in my abilities to keep swinging at life until I win or croak. Which ever comes first.

I'd like to wrap this up with a quick explaination of meaning and truth. Something that explains how I have the answers. But I don't. And I can't. I just keep asking myself every day, "Who am I? Who do I want to be?" If the answers to those questions aren't the same, then I have a lot of work to do. I often have a lot of work to do...

Something New

I'm a bit of an odd duck. I told myself for years I would never get into blogging. Similarly I once said I'd never have a cell phone. After all, if I wanted to talk to someone I'd give them a call thank you very much. The last thing I wanted was people being able to track me down and bother me at any random time. Yet now I have a nice little pocket vibrator with music, camera, and options I don't even know how to use. It sure looked neat when I upgraded though and it was really cool to have...until the next generation phone came out that Christmas.

But I've wandered off topic as I usually do. Here I am with a blog of my own (how I wish I could insert drums and symbols and fireworks here) but not for any good reason. I'm not out to change the world. I don't care if I inspire you. I'm a private person and I like it that way.

And yet secretly I think we all want to change the world if just a little. And everyone wants to be inspiring. It's good for the ego. And here I am talking to anyone who cares to read.

I've always felt we are all little more than the sum of our contradictions. I'm highly educated, I love science, math, art, literature, history, engineering, music, theatre, and good beer. I also like fart jokes and laugh at the word weiner. In fact, I chuckled just writing it down.

Whyam I talking about contradictions? Because the name of my domain is cynicism and hope. Contradictions. Yet we need them both to survive in life and retain any sanity. It doesn't seem logical I know, but if you abandon the logic of Aristotile you might just learn the truth about the planets and the sun.

Note: if you're not sure what I meant there at the end, type Ptolemy & planets into Google. I imagine Wiki will explain it quite well.